Saturday, February 2, 2008

To diet or not diet

The diet for some people is just a word, for other condemnation, self-respect, self-hate, a sense powerlessness etc......... We each have our connotations. One way people have tried to "beat" the negative connotations is by rephrasing, saying its not a diet it is a way of life.

This word seems to have so much power over us.

I have felt overweight all more even though I have not been overweight all my life.
As a child I was plump, when I turned 11/12 I felt like the ugly duckling turn swan, a butterfly coming out of the cocoon. I was slim, active and felt beautiful. I however preferred to wear a costume or tight fitting clothes when taking pictures. I wanted to look slim in photos and I wanted everyone to know that I was slim. Note my use of the word slim and not thin ( I have never looked or felt thin).

When I was 18 I went on a liquid crash diet with my friend to give her support. After that I started studying and working and struggling to maintain my weight.It fluctuated between a size 10, 12 and 14.

Just before I got married I went onto the pill and my weight shot up, I went onto another liquid diet and did not lose any weight after a month. I went off the pill and thank goodness managed to get into my wedding dress.When I got married at age 24 I was wearing a size 12 and weighing 58kg. Not knowing what else to do except for the pill I went back on it. I didn't feel that using a condom alone would safe enough to prevent pregnancy. Tried a different pill hoping I would not have the same reaction.
Up until now i had tried two - one made me so dizzy that I could not walk. My mom
was allergic to most pills on the market and the she could take was taken off because everyone else was allergic to it. My half-sister was on the pill for years (and no weight or problems, except 2 miscarriages), so I figured I had 50/50 chance with it.
Three months down the line I had put on a lot of weight, become depressed and suicidal. The doctor put on anti-depressants but my husband and I felt uncomfortable with that (he did not test physiologically or psychologically) and we were having our doubts about the medication being the best treatment plus one of the side-effects would be more weight gain.

We met a women doctor on a conference and she advise us to go off the pill and anti-depressants. I did that, I felt better within a month and I fell pregnant too. The one night we did not use a condom! I can tell my daughter the date, day and hour that she was conceived. At the height of my pregnancy I weighed 89kg ( I am now weighing 107.7kg).

I used the mirena (info on the mirena) until October 2006. I convinced myself that once I was off that I would lose the weight easier. Now a just over a year later I weigh more, my menstrual cycle is extremely erratic(flowing for 7 weeks at a time and then nothing for months), I found out I am allergic to nuts but other everything else is normal (thyroid, hormones etc.).

My husband had the vasectomy, he offered to that. We used the five years that I was on the mirena to decide whether we wanted to have a second child or not.

So here I am. This time its just me and myself and of course of husband, family, friends (you too) - and I am not going to let the word diet have anymore negative power over me - My Wild child is going to feel loved and fulfilled.


Hanlie said...

I have been off hormonal contraceptives for 12 years now and let me tell you, they're evil! There are so many natural contraceptive methods out there, but of course we never get to hear about them, because nobody stands to make money out of them! Hopefully, as you lose weight, the hormones will leave your body!