To diet or not diet

The diet for some people is just a word, for other condemnation, self-respect, self-hate, a sense powerlessness etc......... We each have our connotations. One way people have tried to "beat" the negative connotations is by rephrasing, saying its not a diet it is a way of life.

This word seems to have so much power over us.

I have felt overweight all more even though I have not been overweight all my life.
As a child I was plump, when I turned 11/12 I felt like the ugly duckling turn swan, a butterfly coming out of the cocoon. I was slim, active and felt beautiful. I however preferred to wear a costume or tight fitting clothes when taking pictures. I wanted to look slim in photos and I wanted everyone to know that I was slim. Note my use of the word slim and not thin ( I have never looked or felt thin).

When I was 18 I went on a liquid crash diet with my friend to give her support. After that I started studying and working and struggling to maintain my weight.It fluctuated between a size 10, 12 and 14.

Just before I got married I went onto the pill and my weight shot up, I went onto another liquid diet and did not lose any weight after a month. I went off the pill and thank goodness managed to get into my wedding dress.When I got married at age 24 I was wearing a size 12 and weighing 58kg. Not knowing what else to do except for the pill I went back on it. I didn't feel that using a condom alone would safe enough to prevent pregnancy. Tried a different pill hoping I would not have the same reaction.
Up until now i had tried two - one made me so dizzy that I could not walk. My mom
was allergic to most pills on the market and the she could take was taken off because everyone else was allergic to it. My half-sister was on the pill for years (and no weight or problems, except 2 miscarriages), so I figured I had 50/50 chance with it.
Three months down the line I had put on a lot of weight, become depressed and suicidal. The doctor put on anti-depressants but my husband and I felt uncomfortable with that (he did not test physiologically or psychologically) and we were having our doubts about the medication being the best treatment plus one of the side-effects would be more weight gain.

We met a women doctor on a conference and she advise us to go off the pill and anti-depressants. I did that, I felt better within a month and I fell pregnant too. The one night we did not use a condom! I can tell my daughter the date, day and hour that she was conceived. At the height of my pregnancy I weighed 89kg ( I am now weighing 107.7kg).

I used the mirena (info on the mirena) until October 2006. I convinced myself that once I was off that I would lose the weight easier. Now a just over a year later I weigh more, my menstrual cycle is extremely erratic(flowing for 7 weeks at a time and then nothing for months), I found out I am allergic to nuts but other everything else is normal (thyroid, hormones etc.).

My husband had the vasectomy, he offered to that. We used the five years that I was on the mirena to decide whether we wanted to have a second child or not.

So here I am. This time its just me and myself and of course of husband, family, friends (you too) - and I am not going to let the word diet have anymore negative power over me - My Wild child is going to feel loved and fulfilled.